What I remember most about those nights
That ended in tears, heartache, and emptiness
That were filled with the poisonous mixture of longing and insecurity
Was that precious feeling
However fleeting
Of making it
Me
Fit
If only for a moment.
And like a mad scientist
Tinkering with the Frankenstein within me
I tried and tried to find the right formula
A little more coy
A dash of funny
A bout of fasting
To be palpable
To make myself fit
No matter how painful.
I may be the Freak
But I am of Nature’s will
And like the Second Law of Thermodynamics
The more progress I make
The more chaotic I feel
The harder I work.
The thing about us mad scientists
Is that we already feel broken enough
On the inside
A little more pain
Is a small price to pay
To look a little more whole
On the outside.
